“Diary Entry: 8/09/24 – End to an Undefined Relationship“

“you don’t even like her.”

All I wanted was a vassal to help me gather my feelings, but I received a clean-cut statement that made me evaluate my thoughts. A relationship I couldn’t define, even if I knew every word in the English language, came to an end. I was fine with how the relationship was, though it was given as much care as a toddler would provide to an egg. There was enjoyment that was felt in the beginning, but it ended with a predictable crack.

“I don’t think we should date anymore.”

These words left me feeling a murky blend of sadness and guilt. After a few days removed from D-day, I can see my feelings weren’t about her. I treated her as a placeholder instead of addressing the source of melancholy emotion.

It had to be brought to my attention that I never said anything good about her. When asked what I liked about her, I could not pinpoint anything without following up with a but. I don’t think this is entirely true; she was attentive, tall, and I always felt listened to, though her input will always be zodiac-related,

“what’s their zodiac sign?” was a typical response to any story I gave her, followed by “What’s their birthday?” since I didn’t store that information next to their name. In her eyes, the zodiac sign can give insight into a person’s personality; from there, you can decipher their action. I love passion; it is one of three big turn-ons for me. I wish her passion weren’t something so quickly debuted. I held my tongue when she told me everyone’s zodiac chart is unique to them, though mathematically impossible since no one. But her passion energized me while sending pins down my spine.

With that said, I liked her. I wanted her enough to spend time with her and experience her. She was like a tasty treat with a consistent bitter aftertaste, but I could not help but consume it for the initial feeling.